I actually don't mind the caregiving. When I started this thread, I was upset and demoralized by my friend snapping at me too often in one day. But that was mostly just the both of us having a bad day. It's not like that every day. We have funding from the VA to hire caregivers. Plus Medicaid provides home attendants. Finding help that's really competent and who are nice to have around is no easy thing.

The attendants that come from Medicaid contracted agencies have no training. If they had any real skill, they could work under the table for more money than the agencies pay them. The agencies take most of the Medicaid money for overhead and profit and pay a pittance to the attendants.

With the VA money, I can hire people directly, and I'm looking on line at sites like care.com where independant caregivers advertize. They charge a good bit, and there is absolutely no way of knowing if anyone is any good, other than to have them come and work a few days. I'll have to just take a leap of faith with that eventually.

This is a lot harder than, say, hiring a babysitter. At times, that's all he needs . . . at times. Then, at times - and when is unpredictable - he needs real hands-on care. He's mobility-impaired, so just the physical challenge of moving him around takes a combination of strength and skill. Then, top it off with him having just enough dementia to not always be as cooperative as one would wish, and you have a job that actually takes a certain amount of genius to carry off.