Mouse, my T is analytical too. But when she was facing surgery and an unknown future after that, I asked if I could give her a hug. I knew in my heart it was as much my longing for one as it was a desire to offer her support and well wishes at our last session before her surgery. I was so shocked when I asked and she simply said "Sure". I had also read about no hugs and I was hoping to express my desire to give her one even if it wan't possible because of her boundaries. It felt really good.

A few months later, just recently, I asked if she would have allowed that hug, knowing now what fantasies I have of being hugged/held by her. I suspected she would have never considered allowing the hug had she known. But she said "Yes." .. "It fit in that moment"

In between these sessions we talked about my desire for physical comfort from her. She said that if she felt it would be beneficial to me she would, but she didn't feel it would be. I think I understand that there is a big difference between a hug and a desire for physical comfort--that seems like more involvement than just a hug. And that she wants me to learn to get that need filled in other ways. I really don't understand what she means though.

I do think she would allow it again if it seemed to fit in the moment. I don't know what that might be and even though I want it, I won't spend time and energy trying to figure it out or manipuate it. ... unless I am already; maybe that's another purpose the fantasy serves.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
BUT I DON'T WANT A TALK SOLUTION! I want to be loved in the most obvious ways

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> oh, me too...