Trigger Warning Trigger Warning

My Dad was cremated. I have his ashes in my livingroom with me. He never said exactly what he wanted done with his ashes other than throwing out the golf course or the beach. So I have taken him to the beach before. Took him out on a boat to where the ocean meets the sound....but I couldn't do it. The time wasn't right. Has anyone else struggled with this? Do you think it would have been easier if he had died by natural causes?