Yours is a really tough situation. Nobody is going to come out of this very happy, whatever you decide - not you, not your wife, not the "other woman."

While I would agree with you that your behavior has not been admirable, I would not absolve the women of responsibility, either. Each of them is pretending to be a lot stupider than any wonan ever is. Each of them is enabling what you are doing for reasons of their own that are not too honorable.

At some level your wife knows that you are not in love with her. Some men who fool around on the side do actually love their wives. You may care about her welfare, but I don't believe you are "in love" with your wife, or even feel particularly close to her. IMHO, it's impossible for a woman in her position not to know that her marriage is somewhat of a sham. Yet, she wants to keep it going. I don't have a lot of respect for that - two year old child not withstanding.

As for the girl who's 5 years younger than you, no one is as dumb as she's pretending to be. She remains ignorant of what she chooses to not know. Three years is a long time. The only secrets you have from her are the ones she is letting you have.

Normally, I don't believe in confessing infidelity to a spouse you are not sure you want to leave. About your case, I feel differently. This, to me, seems like a conspiracy of silence that all three of you are participating in. The healthiest thing now, I think, would be for you all to stop the petending. So, though I rarely advise this, I would encourage you to sit down with your wife and say, "Let's you and me talk about what is, and isn't, real about our marriage." Don't be overly quick to say. "Yeah, I know I'm a rat." Hang back on that, and give your wife room to formulate and express her own mind. You might get surprised. She might say something like, "Well, I kind of thought sonething like this was going on." Like I said, I think she has been more of a willing participant in this farce than you have any idea. Give her space to "show her hand." You might learn something. Maybe she'll be all shocked and say she wants you out of her life. And maybe not. Give yourself a chance to discover what really goes on inside of her head. Whatever decision the two of you come to about the marriage, your child deserves to live in a home where life is not based on complete phoniness - on both your parts. The marriage just might survive.

As for this gorgeous gal whom a dozen millionaires would line up to marry: There's a reason why she's foregoing all that she could find elsewhere to hang on to you . . . . . . . and it's not because you are just so darned good-looking. The truth is that men who have a lot to offer are not lining up to get her because she has some major deficit that men, other than you, are savvy enough to recognize. She was content to do nothing much from age 19 to 22, and now she wants to start a business AND become an actress. Sorry, but she sounds like a child to me - a lazy child.

Here's what I've learned about life. People only get taken advantage of to the extent that they allow themselves to be. Let me put it another way: When you think you are getting away with pulling a fast one on somebody, and you've been doing it for quite a while, you're only getting away with it because they are letting you - for reasons of their own. You may be the most naiive member of this threesome. You say you make a 6 figure salary. What kind of wage could your wife command, if she had to get a job? She wouldn't be the first woman to hang on to a philandering husband because the living conditions were comfortable.