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Old Sep 10, 2016, 12:13 AM
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retro_chic retro_chic is offline
Poohbah
 
Member Since: Oct 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,164
Quote:
Originally Posted by monalisasmile View Post
Hi retro,
I understand your frustration. Needing reassurance is completely normal and in fact necessary. We need it from partners and from others to be able to trust and bond with them. It is part of developing a healthy attachment to another.
My t is from the humanistic branch of therapy. Just last week I said I felt like she was fed up with me and what I heard from her was she wanted to finish working with me, she didn't say either of these but I interpreted then that way. As I told t this she said Mona would you like to check with me if these are true? I said I wasn't sure because it would hurt if they were true. T said she understood that and that neither was true. She said would you like me to explain more? She went on to reassure me that she liked working with me and if and when the time came to terminate that it would be my decision and her only hope is that we both do it respectfully.
If she had of refused to reassure me or met me as a blank slate I would have terminated there and then. I need to be able to check with my t where we stand and if what I am feeling is understandable and she meets it. My mother never validated and reassured me, this caused my insecure attachment to others so by my t reassuring me it is reparative and healing. A baby looks into its mothers eyes for reassurance and guidance and if they don't get it they feel abandoned and betrayed.
Thank you for this!

I have told T before that I am afraid that she will leave me (my previous two Ts left) and she did reassure me that she was not planing on going anywhere but of course she can't predict the future so there is always a small chance things could change. My T is also very good at validating my feelings (something my Mother often did not do also) but I think it is physical comfort that I want the most. I hate feeling so needy.