i dunno... i feel abandoned and terrified and like i'm being ripped apart when he goes.

will it help to talk about it? probably not. will just result in my feeling upset. i know it hurts 'cause my dad left etc etc etc.

but the reason why my dad leaving hurt me so much was 'cause there was nobody else to play that role in my life.

i'm self-object hungry... just need him to feed my narcissistic needs. i expect that the more he does that over time... the more internal strength i'll have...

one day i'll be stronger when he leaves. but i don't know that talking about it with him will help. he knows i was really upset (it takes a lot for me to take valium). but i don't see much point in dwelling on it and feeling like %#@&#!.