I am still dealing with the fall out from Wed night's episode. Even though it is the agressor who should feel humiliation, shame, and have been disciplined, it is I who feels I've been punished. I am dealing with shame on account of my own behavior. It is hard to announce to people I have PTSD without telling them why. They don't need to know or be made uncomfortable about my being the repeated victim of trauma. Instead I simply tell people I over reacted to an anxious moment, haha, and make light of it.

But it is days later and I am humiliated. The worse part is I don't even know how I behaved as I freeze up and black out during a triggered response. I feel anger; anger at myself and anger at the perceived agressor for making me feel scared and this sickness that followed.

I am not sure about the rest of you but I experience delusion in my response to perceived threats. In this case the man likely did no more than raise his voice to me and express his displeasure. But in such situations I delude myself that I am going to be killed.