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Originally Posted by xRavenx
Wow, I can relate, and I'm sorry about what you are going through. You have the right to feel the way you do....even if you feel bad for "losing your cool." We all lose our cool sometimes, but in this case, many people would lose their cool if they were accused of something to some degree. Do you feel that you over-apologized? Sometimes I have a tendency to do this to not make waves, and as soon as I speak my mind to people who can be abrasive or even prone to aggression, I feel bad and worry about them abandoning me or saying negative things about me.
Please remember that in this situation, there is a need for her to take responsibility for her own actions. She should not have accused you of something unfair. If you feel it is something you can both let go and work through, that would help preserve the friendship. There is nothing wrong with confronting someone in an assertive way. In fact, it's healthy. That's different then continuously being aggressive and confrontational....which you are not, from what you are describing. Quite the opposite. If you're in therapy, maybe assertiveness is something you can work on?
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Yes, I definitely feel I over apologized, and even put myself down a little by calling myself dumb. It's a defense mechanism I've adopted over the years, I guess...and I know it solves nothing and makes me feel worse. It probably bothers the other person too.
Yes, I have to remind myself of that...and I believe she is actually the one who is often aggressive and confrontational
I know that she cares but her demeanor is so intimidating. As a teen I was more assertive but in an unhealthy way, because I'd lose my temper frequently when feeling threatened. I've fallen into the opposite extreme. I'm seeing a therapist and you're right, I should tell her that I have problems with being too passive. I think she already knows this, to a degree, since she told me my concern for other people gets in the way of my own needs. I have had plenty of times I felt that this friendship wouldn't work out but for her sake I never walked away. I'm worried about her and want to support her with her own issues, but I'm scared of her and am constantly worried about her betraying me/forgetting about me. I want to preserve our friendship but I don't think we can be close.