I really like what Rose76 said about all three in a "conspiracy of silence."

Your wife must realize that things aren't where they need to be? Strong marriages are strong. If there's friction it will show. She must not feel a sense of connection, herself? Is she just going through the motions of life after kids? That's what I like, as well about Rose's suggestion for a discussion.

The mistress must realize that you've"married man schedule"? Busy on the weekends, available on the weekdays.

Why ask a group of strangers what to do? Either way, it's a conundrum. Keep us posted.