I think people can change if they really want to but they have to get the help needed to do so. And their actions need to show that they are changing. Words mean nothing. In my experience with an alcoholic, abusive--mentally and physically, husband he would say he had changed and I'd go back only to find that things always went back to the same way. I think your ex-girlfriend needs to put her children first and do what is in their best interest. I also don't think it is fair to keep you on a string while she figures out whether her husband will be better this go around. My heart hurts for the children being put through all of this.