I understand how you feel! I've emailed my T for 6 years but she has suggested I don't do it anymore. What helps is that she hasn't forbidden it, so if I slip up, it's okay.

This time (she tried once in the past but it didn't work) I am motivated because I realize she's right. I've been kind of stuck in my belief that my T is THE answer to everything, but that's changing. Not emailing is going to enable me to depend on myself, not my T. Maybe it will help if you look at it that way too. I'm not depriving myself; I'm freeing myself!

But it's difficult! I know! I feel more distant from my T because I'm not emailing but our relationship is surviving. I think it's going to be even better because she knows how I'm working to change and grow.

I told myself that emailing my T is a last resort. It's not on my agenda now. I'm posting more here instead. Good luck with your decision.