dear venom, I am so very sorry for your loss, and at such a young age. I wish you could have had many more years with your mother. the next few months will be very difficult. do cry and post and vent as much as you need. as for your regrets, if you acted cold towards your mom, there must have been a reason for that so there's no need to feel bad about that. but, like the other poster said, your mother knew deep down you loved her very much.

after my mother died, it took me many years to sort out my feelings. when things settle down, try to look back into your mother's life and maybe you will understand why things were the way they were. for me, understanding why mother was the way she was and forgiving her and me and others, was the key to finally getting some peace. I am wishing you the same.