when I first tried to conquer life without heroin I was at a loss, due to the extenuating circumstances around my recovery I had nothing to identify with. I had used being an addict for so long that it sort of defined me. It took a while and lots of back and forth with my therapist to change what I identified with. I could not deal with the emotions that I had bottled up, so I chose to be stoic instead. It wasnt until my father died of an OD that I even realized how stoic I had become. Needless to say I was a mess when they finally surfaced. Thankfully I found a healthy outlet and crafted my way out of it.
Hang in there, they will come back, hopefully for your sake you can find a healthy outlet. I know AA NA isnt your thing, but sometimes lurking helps. You get to feel other peoples emotions and get perspective in how others deal. Not all groups are about working the steps, some of them are about learning how to handle new sobriety.