Quote:
Originally Posted by Rose76
Does your father have a job? Does your mother have a job? Maybe your parents need to sell their house and move into a small apartment that they can afford.
If you've decided that, while you're a student, living at home with the folks makes sense, then own that decision. What have you been doing since you were 17 or 18 years old? By "studying," do you mean you are enrolled in an academic program? Are you actually going to school? It's going to take you another 3 years to finish? So are you working on a doctorate degree - a PhD?
I'm not here to be your inquisitor. You don't have to answer any of these questions. I'm just trying to provoke you to think more rationally. You've painted a sketchy picture of your life, where you are being horribly victimized by the expectations of others. It doesn't add up.
If you want to come on a forum and tell a tale of woe that doesn't sound real, you can sure do that. But you do sound like a desperately unhappy young woman and PC members will feel concerned and genuinely want to help you form hope that you can build a better life for yourself. With the way you are thinking, your life won't be any better 3 years from now, or 13 years from now.
You are not the first son or daughter to decide to help out your parents financially. Here in America, I've known immigrants to this country who've deprived themselves of a lot to send money back to the families they left behind. From the time I was 16, my father expected me to pay toward my room and board. I paid him $200 a month - back when that was a lot more money than it is now. (That's partly why he was so mad when I moved out.)
On the one hand, you seem to say that, if you're going to live in this home with your parents, then you need to contribute to the household finances. On the other hand, you make it very clear that you deeply resent giving the money to your parents. Well - which is it? You think it's fair, or you think it's not fair? Do your parents have a right to expect a contribution from you, since you live there . . . or . . . are your parents exploiting you? Which is it? Because you are saying both of those things. Which is it? Or is it a little bit of both?
Are you doing what you basically have decided to do . . . or . . . are you doing what others expect of you that they have no right to expect? Which?
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I've been on this site for quite a while and written on here when I felt like life was getting too much, I've talked about my situation a fair few times as well. I'm in no way fabricating a story to gain sympathy as I don't even pity myself.
I don't know if you meet everyone with doubt and thinking their "tales of woe" are lies, but I actually don't blame you. No one believes me when I sketch up the past few years, thus no one wants to understand or listen.
I've never had the same chances as most, because in truth, my "young" years were wasted on an all-consuming depression and building the mask I wear every day. I'm not after sympathy though, this is just how it is and always have been and I've tried to change it but there's no exit to this room I'm in.
To answer your questions, yes both have a job but also a lot of debt they're struggling with and that's not due to irresponsibility, they've just had extremely bad luck. Sickness and death and family drama along with accidents has filled the past few years. As of right now, my grandma is dying and my mom is taking care of her and everything else and has little time for herself. Thus, more responsibility is dumped on me. There's no program or way for them to solve things, I'm the only one.
Yes, I have to contribute and yes it is expected of me. And my sister isn't the only one who does expect me to. Other family members have asked if I help and expect me to. I'm not the black sheep of the family, I'm just the go-to person when someone needs something. Be it my sister, brother, grandparents, or someone else, I'm expected to pay up.
I guess my biggest problem is saying no. But how does one say no to family? I see my family every day and I couldn't live with them if we didn't speak or if they were mad at me.
No, I'm not a special snowflake with a tragic backstory and again I'm not after sympathy. But I didn't "decide" this, which was my point from the start. I'm doing it against my own will and I'm not blind to what it'll leave me with. Nothing.
But I emphasize again, I live in this house with my parents and if there's no money, there's no food, no power, no water, nothing. And we cannot sell the house just like that.
This isn't excuses but fact and I guess after reading your replies, I can't ever expect people to understand and thus why I'm truly alone with this.
Yes, the answer is to just leave, but I can't do that. So I guess that's what it boils down to.