This is a very interesting thread. Last week I was really feeling blamed by my T, and I told her that I was feeling a bit hostile towards her because of that. A main concept she taught in the class I took from her last spring was that most things have many causes - biological, psychological, and social. It's really an oversimplification to say that you are depressed because of your brain chemistry, or because you were abused, just as much as it is to say that it is just because you act that way. In reality, it isn't one or the other thing.

When I said that I felt blamed, she told me that I am going to feel that way a lot. Partly because that is a pattern for me. But she explained that, while I have been victimized and mistreated in the past, it had become a pattern for me to feel as though I am being victimized, even sometimes when that isn't an accurate conclusion. The way that I react to people and situations is what we seem to be focusing on. So she said that was the good news and the bad news. There wouldn't be any point in therapy if it were all about things beyond our control, since we can't change the world or other people. So we have to change ourselves.

At work, one of the things we try to get the girls to do is to take accountability. As long as they are blaming their problems on others and on circumstances, they aren't going to make progress. What they need to see is how they contribute to the problems and what they can do differently.

It's hard to accept, especially since my family had that tendency to be critical of me and of m feelings and to say that I was just making it up. I wanted her to tell me that it isn't my fault (to justify my feelings), but I guess that might make me feel better for a little while but not really get me any closer to overcoming the problem, huh?

Ok, back to the drawing board again. Apparently, blaming ourselves isn't all bad. Somewhere there must be a balance between blaming ourselves and taking accountability.