Hi, I applied in mid-August after a bad manic episode in May-June. I tried to go back to work, and it did not go well. I started asking family, friends, healthcare team, etc if I should apply for disability. I was surprised that everyone I asked said "yes". I was hoping I would get "maybe you need to take another month or two off". I loved my job, though didn't do well at it. One of my best friends was my boss, and that helped a lot. I have weeks were I do OK but generally cycle frequently and have a couple depressed weeks, half of or a week of hypomanic, then normal. Every 3-5 months I've had a more severe episode.

After I applied on-line, I got a call from local office saying they cancelled my upcoming appointment and had everything they needed.

About 10 days ago I got a "function report". I got freaked out about it but after researching and talking about it with others, I felt less worried. When I first read the questions I thought I wouldn't be able to give answers, because of the cycling. Some days I sleep 12 hours and can't really function well at all. I barely eat, don't shower, etc. Other times I do OK at these things for the most part. I sleep 8-9, I eat two meals and maybe a snack, etc. On hypomanic/manic end, I pretty much don't eat, barely sleep, plans out of town trips, overspend online, start projects around the house I don't finish. Then back to the depressed part. It sucks. I feel like it controls my life and I'm at its mercy.

I did complete the function report. I copied it and filled it out first, re-read it, did some revising, and then copied to the main form. I sent it out yesterday, along with some other documents, like appointment history with my providers, LOA paperwork, FMLA paperwork, etc.

Yesterday, I also got another questionnaire in the mail, asking about substance use. I used to drink socially, like anyone else at parties or sports events, etc. I don't think I've overdrank even once in at least 10 years, maybe longer. I have smoked pot before (as have most people), again at parties, etc. Since I got sick, I very rarely drink anymore, and cap it at one drink, it's too sedating. I always eat with it too. This is like once every 2-3 weeks.

The form makes me worried there is something in my chart that says "patient endorses alcohol use in past week" or something, without giving any specifics. I looked up my diagnosis information, it's all Bipolar/Anxiety things, plus any primary care things, like slightly elevated prolactin, that I used to be a cigarette smoker, etc.

It would be different if my diagnosis is Bipolar alongside alcohol dependence, or something like that. But I've never had any kind of problem, let alone a diagnosis.

I'm kind of terrified to fill out the form. I worry that if I am honest, that I do have drink now and then, but my chart says something else, that I will get disqualified.

I'm kind of at a loss as to why I got this form, but maybe it's part of the process. I really don't remember, but maybe on the initial application it asks if you ever use alcohol. If there was a question, I don't know what I put. Did I say, yes, a drink or two a month, or did I say none. Whatever I put on this form could be used against me is how I feel, which is the same way I felt about the function report, that anything I say will be used against me because I hear so often that SSA WANTS to deny people, to some degree hoping they don't appeal, etc, and it saves them money.

Does anyone have any advice, experience with something similar, or the panic feelings anytime I get something in the mail from them?

I've been off work a month. I honestly have started to do better, overall, but I still cycle. I feel normal today, but two weeks ago was cleaning the house like a mad-man, I started painting a room and didn't finish all the way bc I couldn't focus enough, then the next week I was sleeping twelve hours. Like I said, today I feel normal. This stress of the application is definately bad for me though, and I worry the stress along with the cycling might send me into getting sick-sick again, and honestly I'm terrified I'll end up in a hospital next time.

Thanks for reading, I know I kind of rambled.