thank you to everyone who replied.
i wish i could say that things are better but they are not, not yet at least. i want very badly to get help but i honestly feel like my parents would be less than helpful if they found out. i have told a few close friends who have been very supportive but i don't know how to go about fixing this myself, so it seems that my only option is to tell my parents somehow. and i have no idea if this will make things better or worse.
once again, thank you <3333