I am requesting and gratefully accepting support, encouragement, love, virtual hugs and even (gasp) prayers. In less than twenty hours, after a three and a half year wait, I will be sitting in front of a disability judge. I am terrified. Thirteen days ago I met with my attorney to find out what to expect at the hearing. The last thing I remember about that meeting was when he asked, in reference to a little, "So she's not real right? She's just all in your head?" I came back as we were being shown the door - fortunately without a police escort so I'm pretty sure the rest of the meeting appeared to be acceptable to the lawyer anyway.
When I got home I sent the following e-mail to my T:..oh, if anger triggers you, be forewarned - I was livid.
Quote:
I spoke with my attorney today. He said that he does not believe that there is sufficient physical findings for disability based on physical issues because, apparently, chronic fatigue syndrome, chronic pain syndrome, chronic kidney disease, coronary artery disease - three heart attacks, degenerative disc disease, hemoptsis, hypertension, intractable migraine with aura, lateral epicondylitis both elbows, myasthenia gravis, neuropathy of both upper extremities, obstructive sleep apnea, radiculopathy w/ lower extremity symptoms, rotator cuff tear both shoulders that cannot be corrected with surgery, tendinopathy both biceps - also unable to be surgically reattached, right knee - isn't anywhere sufficient.
So he's going to go with Sonseearae - period. The entire hearing is going to be composed of discussing her.
Once again, people with too much power over me who are supposed to be protecting me (lawyer) and providing for my needs (ssdi judge) will use that power to traumatize. I am in a very dark and dangerous place. You have my word we will not lose our footing between now and the time I see you tomorrow...but I am in a really, really bad place.
The following is an observation, not a threat - I promise:
There is so much discussion these days about how homegrown terrorists are created. I'll wager a guess. Train someone to become as dangerous as you possibly can [My T knows that I am a combat veteran who served with spec ops]- and then back them into a corner. Exhibit "Me".
I am so angry that I'm losing the ability to feel it.
I will see you tomorrow, and that will get me through tomorrow.
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Anyway, the hearing is tomorrow. I've got instructions from the lawyer to read to get ready, questions to prepare for, etc., and can't stay present long enough to do so. I just need to be heard and know that you folks are at the top of the list for likely candidates to understand my fear.