I'm working on letting go of my mum..

As a very young child, I reckoned that if my mum left, I'd die - because my dad didn't want me. I don't know what would've happened really - maybe my relatives would have taken me in - but for me, this was real back then.

Ever since, I've clung to my mum for dear life - which was OK as she at least took care of me, physically - clothed me and fed me.. But she's not a good mother when it comes to the emotional stuff. I think she has narcissistic traits - she's jealous of the possibilities I have, doesn't want me to have my own life - I think she basically thought I'd stay with her forever!

Anyway, I still feel the absolute dread at the thought of doing what I want to do for fear of upsetting her.. I asked myself the other day, 'What do I need to get over this fear?' and heard 'I need to decide that no matter what, I won't abandon myself ever again!'

So, I'm putting it out there now that no matter what happens, I won't ever let myself go again. If there's something I want to do, I'll keep working towards it no matter how much she screams and yells and throws tantrums. Even if it means she'll write me off, then I'll just have to learn the skills I need to make it on my own. Whatever it takes, I'm going to be there for ME from now on!!!