Quote:
Originally Posted by Protectiva
This is my first time posting in the daily check-ins. I feel really bad today. I had a plan to go to Disneyland w/ my husband (one of his favorite places to go). It was something I had been dreading because I have been really depressed for the past few months and Disneyland just feels weird and bad when you are depressed because there are so many people there and it's the "Happiest Place on Earth" so when one feels unhappy, it feels like a huge disconnect. Also, this involves getting ready, taking a bath, doing hair and make-up packing for the night (we planned to spend the night in a hotel) and for the workday tomorrow. It all just seemed very overwhelming so I ended up starting the morning crying. My husband totally understood (he is a very, very sweet and understanding man) and he said that's OK, you don't have to go, I can see why you wouldn't want to go. I want him to go and enjoy the day and he's going to.
I just hate feeling like this where everything is such a huge strain and effort. It takes everything I have to make it through the workweek (I work in the medical field and it is very, very VERY stressful and I hate it, but I have to work because bills have to be paid). When I have time off, I just want to sleep, sleep sleep.
My husband got tearful himself last weekend because he said it is so painful for him to watch me be so sad, tired, lifeless. He said he really missed me and he was so sorry that I was going through this.
It is also very hard for my parents to see me be so sad and they can't help.
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Thank you for sharing. Sometimes it is hard to go to Disneyland if one is under depression. Sometimes it gets better once one arrives. But if the Park is too busy, sometimes it is better not to go. In any event, considering a depression as a mental health condition can help to feel better when we postpone or cancel plans because of our depression. Depression is not our fault. Depression cannot be improved immediately. Imagine that instead of depression you had a swollen leg. So swollen that you could not go to Disneyland because you are in pain. I bet your regret would be lesser. Why? Because a swollen leg is more acceptable. But depression has "bad press". It seems that depression can be overcome by snapping our fingers, that if we do not overcome depression is because we do not want to. Even if we know depression is an illness often we cannot help: we blame ourselves, we feel guilty, we feel we ruin other people lives with our depression. Well, that is not true. Depression is one of the worst conditions and it is disabling. Depression disables us, more than a swollen leg.
I am sending you a big hug