Wow Zenobia; sounds like a tough spot to be in. Its great to know u had your t to confide in. I am finding this harder and harder. I talked to my t today and told her I am in trouble. She knows what this means. I am afraid of being hospitalized. Tomorrow is our meeting and we will look at this and figure something out.

I keep dreaming about babies. Me being pregnant then something goes wrong. My due date is getting closer, its hurting way too much. I have come to realize how much this is affecting me. But I am glad to see this, makes a lot of sense.

My fear with this is the fact that my due date was new years eve. This year I will be alone. My kids are with dad, bf has to work till 6am, my parents are gone. I am alone and have actually thought of a "plan". Not good at all. I can't do this. I know the signs within myself and need to get help. I can't take it back after now can I? So this is coming out tomorrow, and I am frightened. I need something in place for this time to get through safely. So I suppose by realizing this; well its good. I know what I need and can get this set up for this time. I am without a doubt; afraid of whats to come.

Good step today with something else though. I have been struggling with my urges to gamble again. I went to AADAC. I am going to be starting with counseling again. I have to beat this before I allow myself to get out of control and have many more problems to deal with. I had to stop in the building to sign papers at another office. I walked by AADAC and it took a lot to go in. I have been thinking about it for some time now; well this was the time.

Justy