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Mouse_ said:
perhaps I'm making the mistake of believing she is the only one in this whole wide world that can help me? Perhaps I need to learn to find new ways alongside T to live my life? Perhaps Ineed to stop thinking about T and go cook my kids something to eat. *sigh*

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Oh wow Mouse, that really hit me-- I cannot tell you how much I relate to you in this sense. Sometimes I will come home from T or I'll just be in the midst of thinking about him, missing him, etc..... and realize that my husband is here. And I will give him a hug and realize that all along I've been forgetting that those are real hugs I can get from him... and that I can feel safe and taken care of by him. Sometimes it's really hard to see, but yeah there are actually others besides T who can give us that feeling. I spend way too much time thinking that T is the only one who can do that, the only one who understands me, the only one I can be myself with... etc... Take care. Make your kids something to eat. Doesn't mean you have to stop thinking about T. But allow other things (people) to fill you up inside.