Quote:
Originally Posted by not.dead.yet
Earlier in the week, I'd been feeling really down for a few days - didn't know why.. I tried everything I could to feel better, but one day, a thought suddenly hit me - 'Trying to feel better by doing all this fun stuff is sweet and everything - but it isn't enough anymore.'
I was never taught to feel sadness. Not at home, and I think the world at large is also quick to tell us to 'think positively!' and 'keep your chin up until the darkness passes!' That just.. doesn't work for me anymore. I think there are things that can happen in life that you have no control over, and where the natural reaction is to cry! To grieve.. I need to honour those feelings as much as I honour my 'positive' emotions.
Actually, there aren't any 'positive' or 'negative' emotions - they're just emotions! Each as important as the next..
Crying has just always felt really weak and pathetic to me.. But not anymore. Actually, when I think about it, the 'strong' people in my life who 'carry on no matter what!' without 'breaking down!' really just seem constipated.. And where's the person in people like that? Who swallow their feelings and don't seem to care about anything? I don't want to be like that anymore..
Guess I just needed to get this out  |
I was going to create an emotions check in thread because I was feeling sad after a chat about music, and then I saw your thread so I thought I'd contribute, I hope you don't mind.
I am feeling emotions from when I was 6 and 12 years old and it really hurts. My parents abandoned me time and again. My father kind of admits he did, my mother is in total denial to this day and blames me for how she treated me. Go figure.
The choices my parents made or didn't make regarding me set the trajectory of my life and its hard not to feel pain when I think though about how things could have been had they actually had the capacity to pay attention to me.
I don't resent them, I am over that, nor do I feel hurt by them, I'm over that too, however my inner child and inner preteen is now feeling the pain of abandonment. Its up to me now to reparent my inner child and my inner preteen. It feels like a lot as I also have a teenage daughter to parent myself.
Thank you for the conversation.