Clara, thank you for your kind words. I know depression is not my fault, and my husband looks at it the exact same way. (I am so lucky to have him). It just feels bad because I don't get to see him that much because right now because of work we live in 2 different cities about 150 miles apart. I am actively looking for a job in his city right now but so far I haven't gotten any offers.

It is hard being apart from him, we are newlyweds too, married this year in February.

I hate being depressed, I hate how disabling it really is. And mental health is still viewed by many as a weakness, a personality flaw, that if someone just picked themselves up by their bootstraps, they would be OK. My Dad is an ex-Green Beret in his 70s and that is his philosophy. Whenever he asks how I am doing and I say I feel bad he says "Why?" and I think, come on man, you've known me for 39 years. You know I started seeing a therapist when I was 8 years old. You know I have depression (and anxiety). You know this! (in a chris tucker voice).

Argh!

I am a big fan of Dr. Katz (if you've never seen the show, it's good), and there is an episode where Rodney Dangerfield is talking about his depression and he says (and I'm paraphrasing here)

I wake up in the morning and there it is, the heaviness. Sitting right at the foot of my bed. The heaviness that says "Oh boy, you're going to get it good today. You're going to get it REAL good today. You're going to be drinking early today my friend, because here I am!" I feel exactly like that (although I don't drink, the sentiment is the same).