Quote:
Originally Posted by flowerbells
I think part of my hate-mind is that these things "SHOULD NOT" be happening. That's my Cognitive Dissonance, see. They should not be, but they are. My basic belief -- should not -- conflicts with the fact that they ARE happening, and I CAN'T ACCEPT whatever the reality is because of the extreme pain of cognitive dissonance. Does that make sense? That's why I keep trying to figure out what reality is, that I must JUST ACCEPT.... I've learned too much reality for my own good.
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Amen.
This is a very interesting thread, flowerbells. Sorry that my mind is not up to an orderly response. So here goes a rambling one.
I've got a ton of cognitive dissonance too. It's so complicated. I don't want to believe people are as horrible as they are. But they are. Overall, I hate people. I don't really "hate" them, but I don't understand them and don't like them. I don't trust them. I've
totally seen this 'used for evil' thing you mentioned. It makes me even less trustful and more closed (which is already a major problem for me). Oddly enough, apparently I come off as trusting, even gullible(!) But I'm not. I see WAY more than they realize. I just keep it to myself. I can appear to "fall" for bs, when it's simply a matter of not wanting to deal with exposing it. One time my psych asked if I trust
anyone. Answer? No. No one. Not really. Like you say, I've learned too much reality for my own good.
But moving from cognitive dissonance back to hate. Real hate. I do. And it can be ferociously so. The list actually wouldn't be very long at all. Not of personal in-your-face kind of hate that would make me think thoughts one would not admit to if one wanted to avoid an involuntary. Or being arrested.
But there's still plenty of further-removed hate. The epically horribles for instance. The close-minded and intolerant. Perpetrators of psychopathy like torture etc.
Then another catagory are the personal ones that are very strong,
but they don't consume me because I've let them go. Prime example would be my mother. I can't stand her, but I cut her out years ago and moved (over time) from hate to indifference. What allowed me to do this was realizing she didn't even
deserve space in my brain, let alone the energy required to hate.
She left enough of a mess as it is.
(I do try to apply that method to many of the aggravators in day to day life. Mixed levels of success there.
)
Really not a hater overall though. Takes too much energy that I already don't have. More of an "Ugh. People. Jerks exhaust me." And they're pretty much out to get me, but BF says that is paranoid. I see it more like being a goldfish in a tank of pirhanas.