Maybe you won't become who you want to be, but maybe you can become happier with who and how you are. I know I want to be able to talk freely about my emotions and to be able to talk in company with another human being normally about deeper things. I want to have friends, close friends. I want to let my H get to know me and to confide in him after 12 years and want to really talk to my family about the past, present and future etc etc, but I don't know if I will ever be able to. All I can do is give myself the best possible chance. I haven't been able to do this on my own for 30 odd years so maybe I can with someone's help. Practising this in a safe space, with someone used to dealing with people with communication problems, who is looking out for me and my wellbeing. Someone with patience as I learn and struggle. That said, I may never be able to learn. I may just be this way but this process will hopefully help me to accept myself if that is the case.