I feel that lately I have been getting rid of people in my life. but then again there really isn't anyone in my life to get rid of! My one only friend (who uses me by the way) I have been ignoring her. She only asks me to go out when it benefits her (a guy she likes will be there, etc.) I have felt used by her for over 20 years. But I have always put up with it because I have no one else. Some men on the side in my life I have been drifting away from (they also use me and I use them) Not talking to them as much and when I do I am sort of mean.

I am very lonely and depressed. Today I went to a cookout and just wanted to go home. I am not social to begin with and today I just didnt feel like it.

I just want to be left alone and do my own thing. I am so stressed with my living arrangements that I am surprised I am still alive (most would of killed themselves by now) I take antidepressants but at this point only to stop from withdrawal (ive been through it before)

Sometimes I feel I am growing up and getting stronger and thats why I am pushing these people away because I should push them away. Staying in touch with them is a bad thing. But I am also so depressed so I don't know if that;s why either???