Hi again, Innerzone. I found more in your email I want to respond to, too. You wrote " : (I do try to apply that method to many of the aggravators in day to day life. Mixed levels of success there. ) "

I know what you mean there -- Except lately when I've been "down under angry and depressed" and "really irritable" due to the med change, I come across as a cheerful person. A lot of poeple see me as a role model. I believe I deserve to be viewed that way for several reasons. One is that despite the corruption and pain in the world, I keep on keepin' on. A small example I'm doing right now -- we have a beautiful large park in our city. So large that there are parts of it that can't be walked from Point A to Point B, so to speak. I take public transit. I can get there just fine, but coming back, I can't do. There are no bus shelters, no seats, and the ground at the bus stops slants. I have complained before, starting about 2 years ago. The answers I got was there wasn't much they could do, or were ready to fund, now. And they couldn't seem to figure out which political entity was responsible anyway. Well, about 3 weeks ago, there was an article in the local paper that the parks department was writing a new Master Plan for THAT VERY PARK! So I got the phone number for the parks director, and left him a message about the transit problem in that park. He found a women from some part of the parks that called me back. She took me very seriously (or so it seemed -- you know how THAT goes -- they are trained to make you believe something will happen, when what they really want is for you to give up after weeks or months or years of trying. But anyway, I have high hopes now that I may be able to get home from the park. The plan, she said, is that the improvements will be in place by spring 2017!

I really am an upbeat, cheerful person, I think, BUT deep down, I am a cynic. I see too much, know too much.

You wrote: "Really not a hater overall though. Takes too much energy that I already don't have. More of an "Ugh. People. Jerks exhaust me." And they're pretty much out to get me, but BF says that is paranoid." Sounds like you have a good BF, too. Anyway, today I'm exhausted from feeling hateful for many hours yesterday. I'm sorry you feel like a goldfish in a sea of Paranas. I don't feel like that, but I used to when I was trying to be in The Great American Workplace. But anyway I love goldfish. I hope you can be in a backyard pond like I used to have. It had so many goldfish they were breeding. It was deep enough that they swam down to the bottom when the surface froze over, and lived all winter just fine. The shared the pond with water lilies, water hyacinths, dragon flies, and water striders. It was my pride and joy. I got the idea from my great aunt's pond when I was a child. Hers even had frogs chirping at night! May you live there!