This sounds awful and I'm so sorry this happened to you.

Maybe look at it like this: What if the other patiens were in the same spot as you, and are just further in their way to recovery?

Talking can be awfully hard. You were already able to tell us on PC your story. That's one of the first steps and shows, that you can do it. Have you tried finding friends (or someone you can talk to) online? E.g you can always post here or message me if you want.