I wasn't sure whether to post this in self-esteem or relationships - both are relevant.

I have long since realised the source of much of my self doubt and anxieties were rooted in my upbringing. This sounds really harsh but although my mother was loving and caring, and I appreciate the loving home my parents gave me (many people are not so lucky), she fussed and 'micro managed' me throughout my young years. It was borne from concern and care but she was an anxious person herself and projected her worries and fears onto me. She gave me many negative messages about myself and my place in the world, and those stuck with me sadly - impacting on my self perception and self belief. The message was I wasn't up to the mark and bad things were likely to befall me.

Recently I started a new job where I work relatively short but busy shifts, the company gives me a 'goodwill' break - it's quite unusual, it's not a legal requirement. Sometimes we are so busy I don't get to take that break - I simply would not get through my work if I did. I related this to my parents, just casually in conversation and they both reacted very negatively. Not that they were concerned about me needing a break but that they insisted not taking my breaks would lead me into trouble with my colleagues. My mother actually told me "People will not like you if you don't take your breaks". I explained it was not a legal break so it was my choice but she insisted. This is a workplace neither of them have been in yet they both insisted they knew better than me! At least my father kindly said "You're a happy kind of person and I think most people would like you", no such mitigation from my mother.

Her reaction really hit a raw nerve, it was like rewind to my childhood, telling me if I did not behave in certain ways I would not make friends. I was a bullied kid and always believed it was my fault for being 'too soft', something she would tell me. She was always telling me where I was going wrong and here I am in my 40s, own home, married, grown up son of my own and she's still telling me where I'm going wrong.

I've had therapy and my T advised me to laugh it off as her being ridiculous (my T literally laughed at some of my mother stories), but my mother is such a forthright person I find it really hard to deal with. I do have a cordial relationship with her but can't really be relaxed and myself with her, I'm always on my guard.

The conclusion my T came to is that my desire to please my mother will never be realised because my mother is incapable of being pleased.

That said, why do I find this so hard to deal with? Why does her insistence my workmates won't like me send me spinning back 30 odd years? I just can't seem to crack this hold she has over me.

I think I just needed to write this down but if anyone has any similar experience then feedback would be welcome.