I've been so terrified of embarrassment that I've pretty much stopped living.. Actually, I think I've had embarrassment mixed up with shame - I've suffered from a lot of deep shame due to childhood abandonment. I now know that was not my fault and am working on getting rid of any lingering shame as I think it's toxic.

However, I'm starting to feel that maybe embarrassment is different from shame.. Maybe it's something we all experience and not something I should get rid of. I've just been SO afraid of being laughed at, ridiculed or shut out of social circles that I've done anything to avoid situations where I might embarrass myself..

But this is now getting in the way of me working, seeing my friends - living my life! So, I've decided that whatever embarrassment comes my way, I accept it. No matter how badly I 'humiliate' myself, I won't abandon myself. I'm going to become one of those people who just smile even if their face is burning red!

It's weird because I always thought that in order to protect myself, I should avoid embarrassment at all costs.. But writing this now, I actually feel my body relaxing - like this is yet another way to give myself permission to be more like my true self, not some robot that doesn't feel what she's feeling..