So I had a hysteroscopy on the 18th August and they did a biopsy and today they told me I have precancerous cells and possibly stage 1 cancer.They said I am to have a hysterectomy on the 4th Oct, I am terrified actually but they said it is ok it isn't advanced they caught it early and it is curable and I have to have the op.

I was at the hospital today four hours,they did a preop assessment,took blood,did an ECG and took my blood pressure,and I had a chest x ray which seemed to be clear.I have to have an MRI scan which really scares me,I hate being in that machine,but I will have to cos he said that will give him the best information if there is any cancer spread to the pelvic area kidneys etc

I have to have a stress echo to check if I have angina too before the op and I have lots to arrange and organize before the op.I will be in hospital 4 days they said.I have to arrange after care and care for my pets will I am in hospital.They want to do the removal by keyhole surgery if it is possible which I prefer to them cutting me open but it depends on if they can do that.I have to find someone to bring me home from the hospital and sit with me.

I told my mum she will support me all she can she said ,she is helping financially with costs for my pets and after care.Which is good of her really though I don't expect emotional support cos being a narcissist she isn't good at that.I don't really know if she cares or not or if she secretly wants me dead like my narcissist sister.But she doesn't have to pretend to care does she she doesn't get anything out of it she would turn her back completely if she didn't care some,there is nothing in it for her to support me and give me money?

I am very tired it has been a long day.I have too much on my mind to sleep yet though.I think the worst,lots of what if's,what if I die on the op table,what if it comes back somewhere else the cancer after the op?
Did I cause it by eating the wrong foods,I blame myself but others have said you can't be to blame cos people who eat healthy and have none of the risk factors get it too,we can't lead perfect lives and,we just have to let it be,accept it and love ourselves.So I have been told to do all I can to keep things simple and peaceful and to nourish and nurture myself.
Can't help feeling sad tonight.I plan to get up shower and have plenty of rest tomorrow,just do the must do chores.Any support appreciated.Thanks.Marylinx