Hello Kathi: I'm so sorry you find yourself to be in such a difficult situation.
I would have to say that it is my impression (sadly) your situation is similar to many sahm's who find themselves in abusive marriages. From what you wrote, it doesn't sound as though physical abuse has been an issue. But, from the sound of it, emotional abuse certainly has.
Of course, as I'm sure you realize, there's really nothing you can do about what has happened in the past. What's done is done. The question is where do you go from here? Again, based on what you wrote, it sounds as though your husband is probably not going to be interested in addressing his issues. Perhaps he doesn't even see that he has any.
You can't make him change if he doesn't want to, or doesn't see that he needs to.
You wrote that you want to leave your marriage but can't. I do understand your circumstances. It really puts you between the proverbial rock & a hard place. And I don't know as I have any particularly useful suggestions for you either. I wish I did.
My thinking is that perhaps, if you're not already doing so, you might want to see if you can find a therapist you could see... hopefully one who has some specialization in working with women in your situation. Such a professional could help you to figure out what you want to do & how to get there. I think you indicated you live in Louisiana. I don't know what kind of mental health resources are available to you where you live. If you live in a more urban area, your options may be greater. If you live in a more rural area, your options may be limited.
Did you know there is a national domestic abuse hotline? 1 (800) 799-7233
http://www.thehotline.org/
You might consider, if you can, calling these folks & talking with them regarding your situation. They're experts with regard to these kinds of situations. And they may have more to offer than we can here on PC, although we're certainly glad to offer whatever support we can.
I send hugs your way with the hope that you may be able to find a path through this most difficult situation.
