my birthday is comming up... im no excited for it though.. just because its never a good day... Latley i been having ideas of death... even at work... i even talk about crashing my car for insurance money... It seems like i have been singled out. I over stress my self one of my co workers said, and that i shouldnt care what other people say.. but i did... lately i feel like im getting a panic attack you know the throat tightning and heart rate going up but then i stop it from happening by doing something... i have 3 cuts on my wrist... not much blood came out but it did fine... though i wish it would of bled all over.. i also have done the double sided thinking like what whould everyone else say if i did try and kill myself.. for somereason this week alone has been hard.. maybe its the full moon. i just feel rotten.... dont get me wrong people i work with are funny and nice but there are a few that will be mean... two faced some days.... well im just rambling on .. i will stop