Thank y'all for replying to my very long post. I know that it had to be a hard post to read with how long it was. I realized when I was reading the replies that I didn't include some very important information. When I said I had some mental illness issues, I didn't say what it was or what it has caused me to go through. I have Bipolar. I get extremely depressed and can't function. I am on meds for it and do see a therapist. I have been in the hospital a couple times and have been in outpatient intensive group therapy. When I mentioned that I was getting help with my issues that is what I was referring to. I have been in therapy for a long time and have been working on my issues. It just seems everytime I take a step forward in getting better, I get slammed back down. My husband is also in therapy. He is diagnosed with ptsd along with his physical problems. He is in therapy and the VA hospital. We have also gone to marital counseling at the VA hospital. I decided to not continue to see the marriage counselor because I felt that she was directing most of her attn on my husband and the physical pain he's in all the time and it made me feel like she was taking sides. His side.
I also didn't elaborate on what I meant by my husband and I fighting really bad. It's behavior we both engaged in the past. We did get physically abusive with eachother in the past. I don't get that way anymore though. He hasn't physically hurt me anymore. But, I do know that he could if he got mad enough so I am careful not to let things get to that point. That sounds terrible I know. There's 2 reasons I am very careful not to let it get to that point. I don't want to get hurt, though I can handle it physically. I also don't want him to get hurt. He has bad back problems and bad Diabetes 2 problems. I don't want him to cause more issues for himself by getting hurt attacking me.
I am sorry for my posts bouncing all over the place. It's hard for me to stay focused on one thought at a time. I also tend to over explain things. It's a problem I have about wanting to make sure people understand exactly what I'm trying to say.
I really apreciate all of the input I received here. I don't know exactly where I'm going to go from here or what i'm going to do?