"She" is really OK with it at this point. Like what some black people call each other, as terms of inclusion and endearment in a way, but if anybody else does . . .

"I" admire her feisty energy. I called her that initially just as a way to try to describe who/what she was like to my therapist. But we "know" each other better now.

Maybe another name as a way to "have" her around and see what she's like if she's not in "fight" mode, maybe?

But "I" (the me that is in this forum) had to shun her -- even though it was her own energy that was used to do that? How weird is that? To keep her "out" and not showing the energy that wanted to hurt other people, which was dangerous for me to let anybody see when I was a child.

So, "I" really do like her at this point. She was/is trying. She "is" a part of me -- even though I can't have her around and be a part of my family. . .Weep. (Though I can't really even do that, still stymied, I guess.)

And maybe also to the point -- I love myself some because I have Antisocial's energy around sometimes saying I'm great! Because it isn't socially unacceptable, in this forum at least, to say that!

But I'm also concerned, still, at how society looks at these motivations -- still pretty totally negative. Not recognizing they have value, or potential value in some contexts. And the inadequate psychotherapy profession is currently promoting a lot of that, it seems to me. And I think that is very dangerous. Not just, as it has been, for me.

OK -- F.S.'s new name is "The Advocate".