Quote:
Originally Posted by lucidity11
I realize that I am afraid of bring into my conscious mind the memories of abuse I suffered when I was little. Part of me knows that the memories can't kill me but I am afraid of the fear. The feeling of the emotion fear, that came from the abuse. I don't know how to trust that the feeling of fear won't kill me. I feel like I will be consumed by it. But I also feel that I need to remember the abuse so I can place it in the past where it happened. The minute I start to think of remembering abuse I feel a shock of fear in the middle of my chest and every thing shuts down. I don't know how to protect myself from my emotion of fear. Intellectually I understand that the actual feeling of fear may not be as bad as what I think it will be. But my body shuts down and the discussion is over. Ive known from a young age that fear is what I need to overcome in order to free my mind. I just don't know where to start.
|
what helped me is something my therapist called "setting the stage" \ "rehearsal" \ Opening night (both my therapist and I are fond of going down to Broadway to see the shows )
Setting the stage...
acknowledging I have this fear of what may come what might happen and not sure if once the show begins if I will be able to handle it. (my therapist had a great ice breaker for this one with me. Im a logical thinker so she said to me well if you cant handle it dont you think your alters would. they have been handling things for you all your life and you made it through to the present adult and person you are today? they are not going to just let you sink or swim. they are there to handle anything you can not so the moment they feel you dissociating/ or mentally running away from this they will take over and handle the situation. thats what they are there for right.)
preparing for what I will need... do I need a blanket, a stuffed animal, toy, or other ground me in reality item to remind me that was the past this is now. Do i want to do this alone or in a session, or many sessions..if in session what is the role that my therapist will take....what will I need after the show...
rehearsal..have some pre show sessions where we work out the bugs on our plans and do a dry run without going into the triggering parts of memories.
opening night.. wrap my blanket around me, hold my items, take a deep breath and curtains go up....
doing things in steps like this rather than jumping off the pier sink of swim really helps me. maybe you and your treatment providers can set up something similar that will help you ease into this.