Thank you guys so much for the hugs and support. I see my pdoc on the 29th. Its honestly so hard because my recent therapist dropped me like a hot potato, I was on the waiting list for a new one but I can only see them after 4 and she closes at 4, I live in a rural area so its hard to get resources, my pdoc is an hour away and I don't drive, I have to rely on my dad to take me there. I've been depressed for over 5 months I haven't moved from my bed except for pdoc appointments, now I'm rapid cycling again with mixed episodes. I've been in hospital 7 times in 1.5 years since I was diagnosed, and in hospital I almost died because staff gave me medication I was allergic to, plus my medical aid won't cover any more visits for this year. I had to take a year off school now I'm certain I will drop out. My life is going up in flames around me, I'm tired, physically and emotionally. I've struggled with suicidal thoughts since age 6 but now I just can't cope anymore. I give up. When will this hell end?