I can and might change pdocs. It depends on how my appointment next month goes. He was initially supportive of getting off my meds since none worked that well except klonopin but I need to get off it since it is not supposed to be a long term thing. Now he is antagonistic. I think it is because I want to stay off meds and he wants me on Lithium, which is a nonstarter for me. I just lost all that weight and have borderline hypothyroidism(TSH is a tad high but the rest of my thyroid panel is normal) but my primary doc thinks that will go away if getting off Geodon helps my prolactin and testosterone issues.

Over the past 21 years I have tried more psych meds than I can remember. From every class except, MAOI's which I can't because of my migraine and seizure disorder. Yet, he still wants to randomly try things.

I really don't want to switch to another pdoc. He has been very good at getting my input and accepting it when I have good reasons, which is a rare trait in my experience. I am not trained in psychology or anything but I do a ton of research and he used to take my ideas and concerns very seriously. I decided I wanted off meds before I knew I had medical reasons for it and he took my desire seriously and agreed. Now, he is almost histrionic about it just because I want to try and move forward off meds. Agreeing to ECT might appease him a little.

I am just so sensitive to psychotropics and have so many side-effects. I tapered off Effexor two summers ago because it wasn't helping and gave me tinnitus, which I still have to this day so trying a new drug is a big deal. Even more now that I know that extra dopamine leads to excessive prolactin which leads to very low testosterone. My pdoc prefers that I go on hormone replacement therapy and risk heart issues and prostate cancer, both of which have caused the death of a lot of my uncles and aunts. I kind of see his point, but it is not like my psychosis has ever caused serious issues and I would rather deal with voices than cancer. I have bad enough hypochondria as it is.

I sort of understand his reluctance of dropping antidepressants. I have ended up bloody more than once and even committed once due to depression but I can handle it a lot better since I have been dealing with it so long.

I actually don't think I can live completely med free, but I think I can do it mostly drug free. I went 8 years without psych drugs(2003-2011) and only got back on them because I started getting bad anxiety attacks in 2011. I would rather deal with the occasional crash and take meds to get myself back on my feet than deal with constant side-effects. My pdoc is in total disagreement and is acting almost like I am incompetent. I am a pathetic loser, but not a stupid one.