When I went through an episode during school, I turned to the people I trusted the most which were my closest friends at the time. I usually take the public transit with one of them to and from school. Those rides were about an hour long so I would use that time to catch up and get everything out. I would always think that other passengers and the transit guards aren't paying attention or can't hear since no one ever tries to make conversation with one another (pnw is known for giving cold shoulders). About 4 years have passed, during which i've seen pdocs taken meds and finally thought I was doing better. But we've moved not too long ago and now live next to a transit station. Occassionally when I am in the yard or next to window facing the stop, I think I hear someone saying things along the line of "that's where the psycho lives, she's crazy don't talk to her, she's hallucinating, she's a psychotic b****". Sometimes it's a passenger or guard passing by, sometimes they're adults and sometimes they're kids. The thought that my illness is now neighborhood gossip scares me so much. I don't want anyone else to know, I want to put it behind me. And I definitely don't want it to be public. Because of this I am afraid to leave the house. Especially by myself or to crowded places. I'm starting to hear this at the laundromat and grocery store. I even thought the transit guards and drivers are keeping an eye on me, just in case because my illness is 'unpredictable and a danger to the public' i dont want to be treated like a monster. I try to ignore these like before but it's so hard to. What if it's real? What if I don't say anything and it gets worse? I don't know what to do besides coming on here and letting everything out.