Masculine and feminine are all preconceived notions put into our brains by our elders/parents. As babies, one usually dresses little girls in feminine clothing, and little boys in more masculine clothing. In actuality, there is far more to being a person that being overtly masculine or overtly feminine. I figure there is a scale, much like the sexuality scale, where you can fall on any number of gender identities between the two extremes of "girly girl feminine" and "super manly masculine".

Basically, mainstream society has two designated "slots" for gender identity, male and female. If you don't fit neatly into either slot, according to the physical anatomy you were born with, then the struggle to find acceptance is a big one. I totally get that. However, in reality, like I said, there are far more "slots" than mainstream society will ever recognize. Gender is a very fluid thing, and one can identify as either of the preconceived "slots", both of the "slots" or any variation in between. It's all down to whom you identify yourself as. What you feel is who you truly are.

Perhaps gender identity is even more complex than that. I wouldn't know for sure because I have always identified with the gender I was assigned to at birth according to what I was anatomically. Though, to be honest, I've grown from the girl who loved frills, lace and anything pink, to a more or less shorts and pants type of woman. I have skirts and dresses, but don't choose to wear them to often (mostly because I have thighs that rub themselves raw together if I go walking long distances wearing a skirt or dress).

Anyways, I think the point I'm trying to make is that you shouldn't try to fit into those preconceived notions of who you should be, based on both your anatomy or your own personal sense of style/who you feel you are. You are an unique individual, and transitioning from being what society identifies as female, to what society identifies as male is a huge, life altering decision. I can certainly understand the pressure to fit into a certain "gender" to please society, and finally feel accepted and comfortable with oneself, but that won't truly make you happy.

You have to find a way not to please society, but to please yourself. I agree with Patsfan that you might find some solace in working through your conflictions and struggles with a therapist. Maybe then, you can find some peace and finally feel comfortable with who you truly are as a person.