I'm not a doctor but I go through what you've described and you sound classically depressed, which means trying to think your way out of your rut might only lead to more frustration and a deeper sense of failure. Can you tell your pdoc that the drug cocktail he has you on isn't working? Would you consider ECT? The financial planning that you and your husband are doing is very prudent, however terrifying the economy of the future may seem (I handle the finances for myself, my wife and her mother, who lives with us, and I worry about money all. the. time.) and maybe you can get some satisfaction from staying within budget or meeting goals or devising a new strategy to protect your retirement. Have you applied for SSDI and Medicare? Bottom line, after 25+ years as a certified bipolar patient, I don't believe that a depressed mind can magically conjure up enthusiasm, motivation, or excitement from a diseased state; your best bet is to try a different therapy (med monotherapy, med combination, ECT, endorphin boot camp, etc.) or wait until you are triggered or naturally progress into the high-energy part of the disease cycle (which will eventually end, and you get to start all over again, maybe worse). I take 1800 mg of Depakote every night, which is a lot of potentially poisonous anticonvulsant, and I still cycle and make my wife's life really challenging, and even with all that medication, I still get really depressed.

Bruce Springsteen sang "Someday we'll look back on this and it will all seem funny." The chemicals and strategies that we're using right now to fight bipolar will seem like pretty blunt tools a hundred years from now.