Something I noticed about manic depression (I sometimes like to fall back on the old gothic nomenclature) is that while in one polar state, it's impossible for me to imagine or even remember the sensation of the opposite polar state; so while depressed, it's been impossible for me to even imagine the incredible experience of mania, and while manic I could not remember or even imagine the agony of depression. I sense that I am transitioning from a high to low phase, and I feel it coming on like I hear a train approaching from a distance. I'm afraid; antidepressants don't seem to work for me anymore and I was so desperate last time I was depressed (2013-2014) that I was booked to begin ECT when my wife and I decided that we should hold off until we had completed some important transactions (the stress of which triggered (hypo)mania, making the ECT unnecessary.