You burn yourself down to the ground. We can say nice things about you because we suspect no one is as unlikable as you describe yourself, but we don't know you, so whatever nice things we might try to say, they are just guesses and they won't affect you.

If other people think you think that lowly of yourself, they won't be attracted to you.

It seems you are female and lesbian. That always sounded so difficult to me, to decrease the odds. But then maybe when you find someone who is lesbian and who is single, it may be that more obvious to both instantly to try out if something can happen. I don't know. I guess homosexual people have their own strategies to overcome these difficulties in finding out compatible people.

You don't say what you have actually tried. Also don't know the dynamics of a lesbian relationship. If both are as passive as the average female, maybe not much will happen.