I can't. Why? Because I'm feeling that some or most of the turmoil isn't all him, it's me. Not me as in blaming or pointing the finger at just me, as if he has no part in this, but as in recognizing my part too.
For instance, yes he needs to step up, but I need to stop being so angry, getting in a rage sorta when he don't. This is not excusing him in no way, just recognizing my part.
For instance, on the voicemail he sent yesterday he explained why he didn't pick up the phone when I called the night before. A simple thing right. Something that another woman, a normal woman might have felt good about. But me? While at first I did glow inside, I immediately felt he was lying. But why? I mean, was he lying? Perhaps. Yet, what I should have done was just simply accept his explanation and go on from there. But nooo, I got very suspicious and angry. Of course he doesn't know that and never will. Yet the mere fact that he at least attempted to explain shoulda calmed my butt down.
I don't know what's going to happen, if anything. I do know that I'm a complete mess, or as a girlfriend says "you're a hot mess." Lol.