Hey, just wanted to say that you're not alone when it comes to a few of the things you mentioned. I've been struggling with becoming a good friend prospect to others as well. Sometimes I just want to give up, but I know I can't. I'm still too self-absorbed, and when I try to hide it, it shows through other ways.

I related to the comment on gender not matching personality. The way I act reminds most of a guy. I don't think too much on what others want emotionally, although I do care if they're visibly upset. I don't quite consider emotional wants as "needs," and I'm very laid-back and see dressing pretty as too pointless to ever do. I now do occasionally, however, solely for my boyfriend. Although I went through a stage where I found dresses pretty, and I suppose I still do, I still feel it's pointless to wear one. I only "dress up" for interviews. And, I have a strong belief in proving myself by worth and showing that I'm invaluable by my skills. And... I think gossip is boring. So, yeah, I see myself as a girl, but others might be confused about my gender identity.

It took some strength for me to develop opinions after growing up with parents who made fun of me more than not. They didn't have much respect for me in general. Over time, I've developed opinions that I put a lot of thought into first, unless they were completely abstract, like my favorite color. I used to make fun of things too much, such as songs or movies, because I didn't want to be associated with them. After unknowingly hurting feelings, though, I'm trying to curb it. Growing up with difficult parents reminds me of continuous pressure placed on an ball on the entirety of its surface. So, it will morph around weak points until it stabilizes against it, but will be hard to shape back into place, hopefully with some strengthening agent to prevent further shaping.

Just a random thought, but I'm sort of lucky in a way that I'm not trying to be an all-star, but maybe just a little successful. So, if a teacher chooses someone else less qualified than me, I'd just say "good riddance." But, in my major's field, it's a lot easier to bolster your knowledge and skill set in outside work, and I'm still an undergrad (got my AS not too long ago). It still boils my blood to see favoritism getting in the way of good workers who could make the best difference. I mean, unless someone's terrible to work with, that's how I'd hope it'd be. So, I'm real sorry.