Hello booksnmyhead: Well... the Skeezyks can't answer all of your questions. I'm not a mental health professional & I don't know all that much about ADHD. But having read your introductory post, & now this one, I would like to suggest that, from my perspective, the thing to do here is to continue to seek a therapist with whom you feel comfortable. Then work consistently (& forthrightly) with that person over a period of time. This is the way to delve into what is going on with you & to figure out what to do about it. (And then, in conjunction with this effort, continue to come here to PC to seek support.)

As I presume you're aware, we here on PC, cannot diagnose you. Yes, you may get some replies to your posts from members who will be able to offer their perspectives with regard to what you wrote... and I hope you do. But realistically, these are simply going to be personal opinions based on very little information (as is mine.) How definitive can they be?

I've actually never been given a formal diagnosis by any of the mental health professionals I've seen over the years. So I don't actually know what mine would be. But, quite a few years ago now, I read the book: Lost in the Mirror which is about Borderline Personality Disorder. As I read it I thought: "OMG... this is me!" The reality is it probably isn't me anymore. But it sounded as though it certainly could have been years ago. (I've been told BPD tends to burn itself out as one ages.) But the reality is I don't really know. My experience at least has been that it's easy to read different things about various mental health diagnoses & find lots of things that can cause one to think s/he has that particular disorder. That doesn't make it so.

The reality of the situation is (in my humble opinion) that figuring out what is actually going on with a person, in terms of mental health issues, is a process that takes time & effort. I don't personally believe that even a doctor or a psychologist can make that kind of determination based on one meeting with a client. People are simply too complex. It takes time & the gradual development of insight to really figure out what is going on with a person & then to identify ways in which a person's struggles can be remedied. So my hope for you is that you will continue to seek a therapist with whom you feel comfortable & with whom you can establish an ongoing working relationship in order to address the concerns you have described in your posts. I wish you well...