So my T and pdoc think I am not doing well and are very concerned. But I just don't think I am doing that bad. But I think the problem is I am comparing it to last year which was hell with four hospitalizations and ECT twice.

I fell like I have been going up and down and can't really feel my emotions. I am also having trouble remembering the last month so my T on Friday is going to go over her notes and fill in the blanks for me.

Right now I am not sleeping well just 3-4 hours a night and the last three days I haven't really eaten. I am just not hungry. I just wish I could understand what they are seeing. I am so confused. I have never felt like this before. I recently started Mirapex and have been upping the dose every week. So maybe that is causing the mood state I am in.

I just wish I could understand what is going on. My T says my mood this last week has been cyclical. I did have hypomania once that they think was med induced. She is wondering if I am heading that way again.

Anyone else ever feel a disconnect like this. Where there T and pdoc and seeing things that you just aren't. Apparently my depression has been bad enough that my pdoc is seeing me once a week and keeps asking if I need to go to the hospital. But I just am so confused.