Welcome to PC. If I read your post correctly, you're not in therapy right now, right? Do you have access to a therapist or pdoc you trust?

You're not alone in struggling with either med compliance or sticking with therapy - it's something many with BP have a hard time with. I also can particularly relate to your worry about how your decisions when you're in an episode affect your kids. This is a great place to come and share what's on your mind, get advice, and mostly (for me) get judgment-free support and understanding from people who have been where you are.

Keep posting and you'll find a lot of willing and caring people here, ready to help.