Like you described it, bluebicycle, "crippling" also describes the depression that I felt prior to being diagnosed as BP. It was scariest before I even truly knew what Bipolar was. I was living in fear and paranoia during times of mania, made tons of reckless decisions, my raging anger affected my family relationships, and the guilt I experienced during depression was unbearable. Physically, anxiety had complete power over me. I would often shake for a good portion of the day for weeks at a time when paranoid and couldn't sit still since noises were too loud and would startle me. Also, I developed a problem with alcohol and pills. When things hit rock bottom, it prompted me to study Psychology, and I was relieved to learn that there was a label for the hell that I was experiencing and glad to hear that treatment has helped many. I don't know if I would have made it up until this point without the help of meds and treatment.

Although I still get symptoms and episodes, knowing that it's Bipolar and med adjustments and other forms of treatment are always available to me gives me hope that no matter how bad things are, they can get better with time-- and that there's always ways to cope.